Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just high enough for therapy.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
