yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
