I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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