I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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