Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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