just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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