Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
