God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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