After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
