Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We need to get me chipped asap
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
