my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
