Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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