Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
