why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize