Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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