I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
