Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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