She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
