i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
