my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
