she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize