Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
