Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
