I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
