Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
