I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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