In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my shit smells like andre
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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