last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
