I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
