This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
