Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
