I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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