We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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