I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
