dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
