Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
