pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
