my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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