If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
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