Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
