The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
