Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
