Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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