Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
