why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
