i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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