She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
