Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
