he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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