not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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