cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
