I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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