I will die if light touches me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
