They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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