i don't like sucking hair
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
