brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
