True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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