hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
