Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
