Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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