Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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