I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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