That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
