I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
