Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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