I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
