I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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