What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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