She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
