Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
