dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
