Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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