was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
