New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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