I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
