So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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