I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
