Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
