he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Send help, water and tortillas.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
