The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize