I CAN MOONWALK!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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