I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
