make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
smell my finger.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
