my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
