yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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