I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
