I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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