Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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