there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
