Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
