Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
