Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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