i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
