i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
