I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
