My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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