'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
