Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
