The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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