were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
