I bet he comes in French.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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