She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
