you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
