Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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