Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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