He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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